Recently a friend of mine expressed concern about becoming a mom for the first time. She said she was nervous and didn't know why. She isn't pregnant yet, but her husband is ready and she just doesn't know yet. I can understand that. It's definitely life changing. But it also prompted me to think about all the positive things that come with becoming a mom, and why no time is the right time.
I couldn't imagine life without Molly. Sure, if we didn't have her I would probably be drunk at Anna Liffey's right now, but I also won't wake up with a hangover and instead will have her cuddling with me and kissing my cheek when I wake up. I also enjoyed a tasty homemade Shepard's Pie instead of a not so tasty corned beef sandwich from a chaffing dish. Yum. Sure the first few weeks and months are tough.....or so we thought. Now as she is learning to climb and says new words each day I realize the battle has just begun. I long for the days when she fell asleep on my chest, and realized how much I missed that when I got to "bounce" Haley H. to sleep on our ski weekend. 4 songs and the bounce and she was out. Made me think, maybe I don't want to wait until after session/Disney/Wine convention to get pregnant again....as it was I felt like we kept pushing the date our further and further. But it seemed to make sense.
I am a planner. I like to plan things. It's what I do. But some things can't be planned, and trying to can just make your life more difficult. And now I wish I didn't think so much because if I hadn't thought about it I probably would be having a baby sooner rather than much later. I was ready last summer, but wanted to wait until we got the year mark. Then I had gallbladder surgery, on hold for at least 2-3 months post op. I know I'm kind of jumping the gun, but the long and short of all this is that I have to go to the doctor again next week because I am pretty sure I have a hernia. Not sure if it is from the scar tissue from the gallbladder surgery, but once the nurse on the phone asked me if I had one, I did a little research and sure enough I'd be surprised if they tell me I don't. Which means I may need another surgery. I know I shouldn't speculate until after I see the doctor, but from what I've read it means either being pregnant with a hernia and possible bedrest and serious pain or having surgery and waiting up to a year before trying to have another baby only to have the risk of the hernia re-occuring because the mesh they use doesn't expand and then I would have to have another surgery. Like I said, going to the doctor on the 18th and I'm trying not to worry but can't help it. And it's not even the surgery that's bothering so much as it is messing up my plans. I hate when plans get messed up.
So the long and short....yes, having a baby will change your life. But you can't plan. You just have to make a guess at what might work for you and things will take care of themselves.
